Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
What do we mean by "will" and our "lives"? As it was explained to me, one way to look at your will is to relate it to your thinking. What is your will after all except for your own thoughts on anything? Your life is your actions, since all actions are born in thought. When we are talking about turning our will and our lives over, we are talking about turning our thinking over to the care of God. We've already concluded that no Human Power could restore our sanity.
A valued member in our fellowship will often comment, "Get this step wrong, you might stay sober, but as an alcoholic you're likely going to have a miserable life."
In each of our Alcoholics Anonymous meetings we start by reading the beginning of Chapter 5: How It Works. That reading ends with:
pg. 60
"Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventure before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought."
Bill Wilson would write immediately after in his original manuscript, "If you are not convinced of these vital issues, you ought to re-read the book to this point or else throw it away."
From here there are roughly 1,000 words and a couple of pages that fit between "being convinced, we were at step three" and actually being "now at Step Three." As we work Step 3, there are four basic elements. The first is found on page 60, "is that we be convince that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success."
In between we find a message of HOPE.
pg. 62
"Selfishness--self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kill us!"
Next to these two paragraphs I have HOPE written in all caps in my Big Book. Hope derives from the fact that if the problem was what I thought it was, all of you; the unfulfilling job; the harms done to me; the slights by strangers; if the problem was all of you - then I'm absolutely doomed. Because, I have no chance of changing all of you, but if the problem essentially lies within me, then changing me is something I could get my arms around. I also have a quote in my Big Book that reads, "it's much easier to put on a pair of slippers than it is to carpet the entire world." So, then how does this change take place. Well, "God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid." Going back just a bit, "God could and would if He were sought."
We hear a lot in the rooms that this program works if you don't believe in God. This program works if you do believe in God. The program doesn't work if you're playing God. Thus, the second element of Step 3. "This is the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work." Gee, ya think. With me in charge of my life it landed me in my seat at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. Not exactly the discussion I had had with my high school guidance counselor.
So it's time to make a decision and we follow that up in prayer in Step 3.
Question: Do you now decide to take the actions necessary to turn your will and your life over to the care of God as you understand Him?
[break down the Step 3 prayer]
No decision is worth a grain of salt unless it's followed up by action. I giggle when old timers retell three frogs on a log. One makes a decision to jump off. How many are left? All three of course because the one only made a decision. This brings us to the 4th element of Step 3 found at the bottom of page 63:
I first came across this on a website sharing the experience, strength and hope of a Barefoot Bill. When I'm talking about the third step in a meeting or with a sponsee I often retell this Third Step Parable. A version of it goes like this.
A drunk was walking down the street and ran in to God. The drunk says, "God, I can't do this anymore, please make me sober."
God says, "Sure, I can do that, but sobriety isn't free. What do you got?"
The drunk reaches in to his pockets. "50 bucks".
God says, "Okay, I'll take it. You're sober."
The drunk stands up tall. Feeling pretty good for the first time in a very long time. Sober. He scratches his head and then says to God, "I know I gave you my money willingly, but could have a twenty back to put gas in my car?"
God says, "You have a car? You didn't tell me that. I'll take that too."
The man says, "But God, if you take my car, how am I going to get to work?"
God, "You have a job? I'll take that as well"
The man says, "But God, if you take my car and my job, how am I going to pay my mortgage?"
God, "You have a home? Wow, you have a lot, I'll take that too."
"But where will my family live God", the man says.
God looks at him kindly and lovingly reaches out his hand. Look, sobriety isn't cheap. If you want to be sober you have to give me these things. However, I'll let you drive my car as long as you remember it's my car. I'll let you work your job as long as you remember you're working it for me. You can live in my home so long as each day to the best of your ability you take care of my family.
So what's the point? How about a reminder that sobriety is a gift that we alcoholics can get one day at a time. I am not the center of the universe.
pg. 63
"Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action."
Now alcoholics are the only type who can interpret that sentence in a variety of different ways. Just to add a bit of clarity, it does not say to close the book and come back next week and we'll start work on Step 4. It doesn't say go home and reflect a while on Step 3 again and make sure you're really ready. It's time to do the work. Step 3 "was only a beginning (pg. 63)" and the real work comes next and it is to begin at once.
So, one cannot put a bow on Step 3 unless they "at once" follow it with action.