Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- that our lives had become unmanageable.
I began my journey of understanding, then making a conclusion of the mind, and accepting step one with The Doctor's Opinion (pages xxv to xxxii in the 4th edition) as almost all of us do. It's noteworthy that we are going to get an opinion from Dr. Silkworth, no casual observer of alcoholics. He would end his medical career having worked with nearly 50,000 of us and his observations of the problem of Alcoholism would live on forever after. In 1939 when the Big Book was first published, Dr. Silkworth didn't put his name to this published opinion. He didn't have the science yet to back up his beliefs and the world still looked at alcoholics largely as lacking in moral character, replete with sin, or inept of any real willpower. But, by the time the second edition was published in 1955 both the American Medical Association and the American Psychiatric Association had published and would acknowledge the true nature of the disease of Alcoholism. Somewhere about that time Silkworth told Bill W., "you can put my name on that now."
On pg. xxv Silkworth will tell us, "In late 1934 I attended a patient who, though he had been a competent businessman of good earning capacity, was an alcoholic of a type I had come to regard as hopeless." Of course that hopeless business man was Bill Wilson who would figuratively burn his life to the ground and later would through an applied program of action, have a spiritual awakening, recover himself and go on to help countless alcoholics on their journey to recovery.
I realize everyone wants to jump right to the solution, but can we truly understand an answer if we don't know what the problem is? It's in Step 1 where Bill W. will learn about the problem from Dr. Silkworth. He would teach Bill that the disease of alcoholism is a problem of the body, as well as the mind.
pg. xxvi, "we who have suffered alcoholic torture must believe--that the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind." It's my understanding that this was the first time it had been published by a member of the medical community that the alcoholic body was physically different from the non-alcoholic. He would go on to alike this physical condition to that of an allergy. Like many of us, the term allergy was a bit perplexing so it's worthwhile to look up the word.
Allergy - an abnormal reaction; a physical manifestation to food, beverages, or any substance of any kind
I have a layman's understanding of allergies. If someone is allergic to strawberries, they are likely to break out in a rash. If someone is allergic to dairy, well they've usually got to run to the bathroom. If someone is allergic to shellfish, the throat swells up and they can't breath. All allergies can be so severe as to be fatal in some people. I get it, I understand what an allergy is, but how does that apply to alcohol?
Dr. Silkworth elaborates on pg. xxvii, "the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all."
Well, there you have it. Silkworth would describe the allergic reaction to alcohol as the phenomenon of craving. He called it a phenomenon simply because he didn't know exactly what it was, except that it happened. Modern science, our understanding of metabolism and enzyme production would later prove the good Doctor's theory true. Understand clearly that what Silkworth is telling us is that we are bodily different. It is not safe for an alcoholic to drink, because once he does, that first drink will trigger the allergy, manifest itself in the phenomenon of craving, much like the strawberry produces a rash, and the alcoholic won't be able to stop.
On pg. xxx Dr. Silkworth goes onto describe 5 types of drinkers. Each one drinks differently; the psychopaths (emotionally unstable); the man unwilling to admit he cannot drink; the manic-depressive; and then the man who might otherwise appear entirely normal except after he's been drinking. " All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated."
If you're allergic to peanuts, you know at no point in your life will you ever be able to eat peanuts. If you do, you could go in to distress and quite possibly die if the allergy is strong enough. For many, this is the case. What do they do? Well, they don't eat peanuts. But for some reason perfect knowledge about the effects of alcohol on the chronic alcoholic doesn't prevent him from taking that next drink. Why is this?
Silkworth will go on to tell us that the REAL problem for the alcoholic centers in the MIND.
pg. xxviii " Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented [full of guilt, shame, and remorse], unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks--drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery."
From the Dr.'s Opinion through the first four chapters, I've learned that I cannot safely drink. Then, stone cold sober, against all evidence to the contrary, my brain tells me it's a good idea to have a drink to obtain that ease and comfort I so desperately desire. I can't keep from drinking. If it's not safe for me to drink and I can't keep from drinking, I'm absolutely powerlessness when it comes to alcohol.
pg. xxvix "On the other hand--and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand--once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules." Those of course being the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. There is hope.
Read Bill's Story, pages 1 to 16 - look for identification in how Bill thinks, acts, and drinks. Pay attention to the progression of his alcoholism, ending in drinking for the sickest reason of all - to seek oblivion. Look at how Bill recovered and consider to yourself that if Bill W. could do it, then maybe, just maybe you can too.
Re-read the first part of Chapter 2: There Is A Solution, pages 17 to 25 finishing at the top of page 25 before the first paragraph on the page.
pg. 24 "At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.
THE FACT IS THAT MOST ALCOHOLICS, FOR REASONS YET OBSCURE, HAVE LOST THE POWER OF CHOICE IN DRINK. OUR SO CALLED WILL POWER BECOMES PRACTICALLY NONEXISTENT. WE ARE UNABLE, AT CERTAIN TIMES, TO BRING INTO OUR CONSCIOUSNESS WITH SUFFICIENT FORCE THE MEMORY OF THE SUFFERING AND HUMILIATION OF EVEN A WEEK OR A MONTH AGO. WE ARE WITHOUT DEFENSE AGAINST THE FIRST DRINK."
The second part of Step 1 says that our lives had become unmanageable. It was pointed out to me that page 52 has probably the best description of that unmanageability. "We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people-" Higher bottom alcoholics may not relate to living under a bridge, or pushing a shopping cart with all of their life's possessions. But if they are honest with themselves, unanageability permeates their lives.
Read Step 1 in the Twelve & Twelve, pages 21-24.
Re-read pages 30 and 31 up to and ending at "...ad infinitum". pg 30 "We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed."
Now, ask yourself this question, do you concede to your innermost self that you are an alcoholic?
pg. 33 end of 1st paragraph " If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol."
Question: Do you have any reservations or lingering ideas that one day you will be unaffected by drinking alcohol?
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