Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Recall that when you read chapter 2 it is entitled "There is A Solution". The title does not read "This is One of Many Solutions", or "Of the Three Solutions to Choose From, Here's One to Consider". The title is "There is A Solution". It stands to reason that in Step 1 if the problem is power, the solution ought to be more power. Bill W. will begin by introducing us to the power of the fellowship (explained in more detail in the Book Study: Chapter 2) and go on to tell us that while the power found in the fellowship is strong, it is not enough.
pg. 17 "The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism."
Re-read pages 25 - 29; There is A Solution
Re-read pages 32 - 43; the insane thought as Bill W. presents to us through the telling of 4 stories; the "man of thirty", Jim, the jaywalker, and Fred. Insanity is not the silly, insane things we do out there under the influence of alcohol. Those are simply the crazy antics we perform when our inhibitions have been lowered after consuming alcohol. When we talk about the insanity in terms of recovery, we are referring to the obsession of the mind that when stone cold sober, against all evidence to the contrary, tells us its a good idea to drink to find the ease and comfort we seek to quiet our restless, irritable, discontent nature. A dictionary definition will tell us:
insanity. n. mental illness of such a sever nature that a person cannot distinguish fantasy from reality, cannot conduct her/his affairs due to psychosis, or is subject to uncontrollable impulsive behavior
Dr. Silkworth told us this is the obsession of the mind. Repairing this aspect of the malady of alcoholism is beyond human power. God knows I've tried. In fact, I've been nagged by some of the best. To be returned to sanity, would then mean that the obsession to drink would need to be lifted. Well, God could and would if he were sought. There is a solution.
My own willingness to believe was no less than rooted in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. In the eyes of my sponsor, the words of those in the rooms with long-term, meaningful sobriety, and in the walk of so many who came before me; if it worked for them, then why couldn't I believe it could work for me too. I choose to believe. What other choice did I have?
Re-read pages 44 - 57; We Agnostics
pg. 45 "Lack of power, that was our dilemma. we had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power?
Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem."
Where to begin looking? Big Ol' Matt sits up against the wall on Sunday nights and on one he retold a version of this story:
A few millennia ago God wanted to go on a vacation but man's incessant needs had always interrupted his earlier attempts. Three angels came to God's aide. The first angel suggested to God that He go place himself on top of the highest peak on top of the highest mountain. Surely, man won't find Him there. But, man's persistence would win out and spoil God's vacation. The second angel suggest to God that he hide himself in the deepest crevice, in the deepest crack, in the deepest part of the ocean. Surely, man won't find Him there. But, man's determination and self-will would win out once more and God's vacation was ruined again. The third angel suggested, God - why don't you break yourself up in to a billion pieces and put just a little bit of yourself inside of every man, woman, and child on the planet. Surely, man won't look for you there.
And for 45 years I didn't look there.
Joe & Charley of Big Book Study/YouTube fame talk about that little inner voice that was always there with us, even as children. You know the one. It said, "John, I don't think you ought to do that." It's the same voice that followed me as an adult and would say, "John, you really shouldn't get behind the wheel of that car tonight." Again, the same voice when the lights are flashing that would say, "I told you so." What is that inner voice? You might call it your conscience, your soul, innate intelligence. Whatever it is I've grown to call that God.
When I pray, when I speak about my higher power at group level and to others I use the word God. I didn't always do this. Early in my recovery all of my "journal-ing" on my higher power wrote about God while using a lower case "g". I just wasn't willing to give that kind of power to a word that repelled me most of my life. If I wanted a relationship with God, I knew I had to go to some white building with something pointy on top and listen to some guy preach about some other big book. But, those rituals and traditions were not for me so for most of my life I did not pursue a relationship with God. In Alcoholics Anonymous I have learned to separate spirituality from the rituals and traditions of religion. God does not make too hard a bargain for those who seek Him. In fact, He will meet you exactly where you are and in however means you choose to define your own conception of God. As I have. By personifying my higher power as God, it's easier to pray. When I speak of my higher power to others, they know what I'm talking about and of course I know what I'm talking about. Since we all get to have our own conception of God, this works.
On a Tuesday night at my home club, Jesse would share the story of three blind men sharing their experience with an elephant for the very first time:
When describing the elephant, the first blind man was at the front of the beast. He held the tusk in his hand and described to the others this smooth, dense, hard object that tapered as you traveled along it. The second blind man was at the elephant's rear and with his hands on the tail would describe to his friends this thin, wiry, bendable thing. The third blind man was at the elephant's belly. He told his friends of this massive, rough surface that stretched beyond his arm span. All three men had completely different experiences to share, but were all describing the exact same elephant in the room.
I think we do the same thing with God. It doesn't matter what words you use to describe this power greater than you because your conception of God is your own unique experience.
Read Step 2 in the Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions
I can't honestly say that at no time prior to entering the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and a program of recovery did I ever truly give God serious consideration. But, faced with a decision to be doomed to a death in the grips of alcohol or live a life based on spiritual principles, I stopped and applied myself to make a decision. Either God is, or he isn't. I answered that question for myself.
Question: Do you now believe or are you even willing to believe, that there IS a Power greater than yourself?
...for the next time through....that can take you beyond where you are now in EVERY area of your life. Past here, past the experiences you've already had? Do you believe that there are realms of peace, love, freedom, happiness, understanding, areas of consciousness, wisdom and power you can't even imagine?
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